Sunday, April 01, 2007

Supreme Court finds itself Unconstitutional

Judicial Watch is reporting that, in response to an ACLU Freedom of Information Act lawsuit, the United States Supreme Court has ruled itself to be unconstitutional.

"We find those provisions of the Constitution that reference a Supreme Court to be inconsistent with our earlier decisions," wrote Justice Kennedy for the majority, adding "We could all use the time off."

Eight Justices recused themselves, six on technical legal grounds, an undisclosed Justice for "male reasons" (also undisclosed), and one who was simply distraught about the performance of certain DC-area university athletic programs. "Why do I buy these kids cars and crack if they're going to stink up the floor on national television?"

Sources close to the Court say all of the Justices agree it's time for a change. "We're all getting up there in years, and no one wanted to be the last to go. We're concerned that the President will only appoint another lawyer, and we're tired of lawyers. All we see are lawyers. Lawyers and reporters. Why don't we get someone with some talent for argument, like that Rosie O'Donnell?"

O'Donnell was unavailable for comment, but her spokesperson indicated that Ms. O'Donnell would decline the appointment unless it came from a Democrat, adding, "If a Republican is President, the Speaker of the House could do it."

Anticipating the Court's new makeup, the General Services Administration is looking in to reinforcing the chairs in which the Justices sit to hear cases. A job foreman, speaking on condition of anonymity in an ongoing case, said "This will be a lot easier, since there's only going to be one of her. But it's been tricky using the steel beams, since we know fire can't melt it."

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