Friday, September 07, 2007

Friday Official News Agency: Product Focus

The Official News Agency has a listing for a long overdue product:

In the aftermath of the Sen. Larry Craig restroom sex scandal, the question of what is and what is not sexually solicitous behavior in a public restroom has become an important issue for Americans. Now, a new product emerges, promising to protect you by broadcasting your intentions before you enter the stall.
The "No Sex Please" sign is a step in the right direction, and can only help improve the public restroom experience for everyone. But what other signs are needed?

Surely signs showing the stall's status, such as "Do Not Flush" or "Hot Water Mixup" would be of extreme help. I'll never forget the time Maintenance did an experiment on the Academy's plumbing, such that the toilets flushed with hot water. That was quite a surprise, though I must admit that it was not entirely unpleasant.

But nothing ruins the public restroom experience like having the facilities all taken. I mean, who uses a public facility unless they are already in dire straits? The worst part (well, almost) is not knowing how long the torturous wait will be. Those signs with clock faces, used by barbers and other one-man storefronts to signal when the proprietor will return, could do double duty in public restrooms.

O'course, unless everyone brought their own sign, which would be quite a lot to ask from people on fixed incomes, hygiene would demand setting the hands with the proverbial ten-foot pole, and of course to be any good at all it would have to be done before entering. As I said, I've always got urgent business inside that will probably not get me arrested but certainly won't wait while I put up a sign.

As for the "No Sex Please" sign itself, will those of us who don't carry such a sign, or as explained, fail to display proper signage, then be open to the advances of randy undercover policemen cruising public restrooms?

It's time to set your feet apart and take a wide stance against this product. While the "No Sex Please" sign seems harmless enough, we must not allow failure to warn to be seen as an invitation, or our public restrooms will become as sleazy as the halls of Congress.

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